hello, this is my blog as you can see, but ill introduce myself here.
"you can call me syn or synovial, pennon, or legacy."
i am typically seen as masculine and i greatly prefer he/him pronouns but any will do.
i am a student who is too absorbed in his art for his own good and i must learn different forms of art to satisfy hungry appetite--an art junkie if you will.
im very into nine inch nails, anatomy, music, and going to the theaters. i love making friends and to learn about my interests.
Date: 10/28/2025
Mood: fine
if i knew more about coding , this site wouldve been complete.
im not too sure how go go about this..
hmm
i know coding is probably way easier than it looks, but for some reason i get so exhausted thinking about it, well, i do that a lot, even outside of coding..so no big feat. anyway. im gonna use this site to help me learn how to code. i feel embarassed seeing all this super high graphic sites and mine is just..there. it doesnt make it any better with my declining eye-site (get it?) im currently working on getting some glasses for that. eventually, maybe.
im sure ill complete this site and make it something i imagine. i wanna make a blog for my thoughts, a simple diary of my sick, twisted, slimy, wicked, wretched, life. okay, maybe im overreacting, but theres nothing you can do! its my site. hahahaha....
perhaps writing a blog is more lonely than i thought (for a person like me, i mean)
Date: 10/29/2025
Mood: productive
[entry]
hello 6520x!
id like to learn how to code some more today and create a proper homepage for this website thats much more eyepleasing thn this shotty blog. im not used to html coding and i wish there was a website i could use to test my coding, but im not sure how to create a new site on here to test that. id like to make a nice site people like to look at but even just creating this stupid blog made me so exhausted...ugh.
well, thats not exactly why i made this entry anyways.
i wanna make a site mascot! i think that would make this website more pleasing to look at. maybe. id i knew how to add a boc for submissions i would so i could see what anyone would like...oh well!
Date: 10/29/2025
Mood: productive
[entry]
hello again 6520x!
ive came up with a few rather simple designs for my mascot. i think theyre cute! theyre just little gray blobs but i think the charm of them being simple is just what i need... i will revisit them soon enough
maybe i need to make them more complicated! i think theyre cute as is but if would be cool to have a website staple.
Date: 10/30/2025
Mood: content
[entry]
hello again
ive been working pretty hard on this site. its still simple...i know.
i made a 404 page and a "stuff" page that you can see here.
i think im going crazy i cant stop hearing blurred lines and i wanna dance....whatever
yeah this blog is a bad one...sorry man, i cant come up with something right now so heres a nin video
Date: 10/30/2025
Mood: content
[entry]
hello again...again
id like to use this blog for personl stuff too, not just some stupid website log.
i looked for a more fitting profile picture because ive been seeing these little goat plushies everywhere and i adore them. heres a link to their page. theyre a litttle out of my budget...but theyre still suoer cute! i hope to own one one day...hopefully.
well, thats all. ill probably make another blog later so stay tuned, hahahahaa....
Date: 10/31/2025
Mood: dissociated, disturbed
[entry]
its halloween! how exciting.
i actually dressed up..but i dont feel that well, i feel sortve out of place
i dont feel real again. this has been happening for nearly a month and i have no clue why ive been dissociating so much, maybebecause december is coming? i hate december. it ruins me everytime it comes around and i cant say im ready for that at all. i hate feeling horrible and i guess subconciously i can feel the dread from past decembers.i wish i couldnt. i dissociate way more than i used to, even though it was regular for me a few years ago it was never this bad.
id like for this feeling to go away. im tired for being in pain even if it isnt physical. well... often ehrn i dissociate it rakes up memories i dont remember and sometimes ill get auditory hallucinations. ill be able to smell these memories, see them, hear them. its never enjoyable. its the stench of neglect. its disgusting.
i am honestly very stressed because of it. my dissoiction and stuff. it makes it harrd to be productive. sometimes i can make the sounds go away with music but i cant right now. i feel like im going crazy. i keep smelling metal. wet metal.
nevermind, i dont wanna talk about it anymore.
Date: 11/3/2025
Mood: unstable, stirred
[entry]
skulls
bone and all. i cant stop thinking.
i cant help but look at skulls and think how that was once a person. with a face, a heart, a story-- all of which erroded from time.
the flesh,the cells, the of which work so hard to form the meatslab you call a body will succumb one way or another. your story, your pain, your doubts and worries. your most vulnerable parts. instestines, all the lining. all the synovial fluid in your joints. your delecate muscles will give up and will become nothing more than meat, just like any livestock.
if it was socially acceptable to eat this meat, im sure we would.
the only reason why we dont is because of the morals. morals of which shouldnt apply to a lifeless person
how selfish
Date: 11/3/2025
Mood: unstable
[entry]
i accidently destroyed 2 entries...oh well
Date: 11/5/2025
Mood: neurotic
[entry]
hello again
i feel better than i did a few days ago and i hope i can make some updates to this site.
i think id like to add a warning page, it will only get graphic from here since the contents of my story and my mind are not for the faint of heart i am realizing, and as much as i would like to share, i cannot. this website is a spectical for everyone nd im realizing even this isnt as private as i need for my thoughts which is unfortunate.
i feel as if my 'normal' thoughts are getting skewed by the voices. making me a horrible person. i dont want to be a horrible person but it feels inevitable.
i get jealous, i envy others who i know dont give a shit about me, just for the fact that id rather be as ignorant and docile as them. so i wouldnt have to bare the burden of the everlasting hell known as SYN. it takes a person whos been in hell to know what hell feels like, and i think im pretty damn close.
anyway. ill try making that clicker game soon! someone asked to commission me so ill have some extra cash for whatever the fuck. im not good with money...i dont know what id use it for but its good to have. maybe ill just GET SOME chow.
Date: 11/6/2025
Mood: stirred, dissociated
[entry]
i hate mice
i hate how they run away from everything. their ignorance blinds them from the trap in front of them.
themselves.
theyll continue to run from whatever fuels their fears until they find a little hole to curl up into.
the fear makes them sleep, rot, die, in the same place they found comfort.how useless.
anyway, i need some sleep. i decorated my new bag with some keychains i made.
Date: 11/9/2025
Mood: dissociated
[entry]
hello 6520x
i dont have much to talk about, todays been so quiet.
ive been pretty tired as of late and its driving me nuts! i hate being tired...
ive gotta work out today but im so lazy. i dont even know if i wanna! ill just...lay down for 5 more minutes. i did some site stuff so this is a good reward
maybe ill make some keychain designs today.
Date: 11/10/2025
Mood: just fine
[entry]
hello 6520x
im drained today. i want to go to bed. i hate people and talking to them, or at least right now. id prefer to be home and not have to deal with anybody or anything. i wonder if theres a way for me to be free from this burden of speaking to others, just for today.
whatever
ive got work to do today. i need to finish my owed art and some other stuff.. maybe ill make an owed art checklist on trello?
Date: 11/10/2025
Mood: upset
[entry]
its nighttime for once
i know this isnt my usual blog time, but i feel really upset. i dont know what happened to me but right now i feel really sad. i wish i knew why
it still makes me feel good to get this off my chest right now. i wanna scream and cry and thrash and i want someone to hear it and feel it and see me for once. i dont know. i want something impossible.
i need to study.
Date: 11/13/2025
Mood: upbeat, happy
[entry]
hello! 6520x!
today is quite exciting! i feel very happy today.
im pretty happy today even though nothing really happened to make me feel this way....i guess someone cleared the path for me today!
ive been working on my bone studies, soon ill draw some bones again to brush up!
only thing bad about today is im sweating a lot...
Date: 11/17/2025
Mood:
[entry]
i want to be some part of a car crash
Date: 11/19/2025
Mood:neutral
[entry]
last blog was a let down. sorry 6520x!
i learned someone actually reads these and now i feel heard. id like to continue to post blogs even if i dont make site updates for the most part. im trying to get used to coding, ive been practicing on some websites and i plan on studying coding some more so i can..well, be better!
coding or learning to, has been maybe the best thing thats happened to me this year so far. ive been getting better at learning css and html how i want to . i plan on making a NON blog site ...this one is mostly just for blogging, haha....
i watched a really good movie last night that helped me calm down. ive been pretty on edge after accidentally blowing up on my friend a few nights ago. (we made up, dont worry.)
Date: 11/20/2025
Mood:just well!
[entry]
hello 6520x!
today i felt like a hero for doing my work when no one else in my group did. everyone asked me for help and it made me happy that people would ask me anything. it made me feel human even though i know im not, it felt kind.
Date: 12/9/2025
Mood: happy!
[entry]
hello 6520x...
i feel like im blowing dust off a book! haha. its been a while since ive blogged but ive been getting better :-). i no longer feel like MEGA shit, now i just feel like...shit. but thats better than it was! ive been trying to get my life together in terms if my friends and just my own mental. i think im getting better.
since i felt i was doing good i ended up treating myself and i bought myself a new plushie! its not often i get plushies sinice i feel theyre childish and useless, but i felt i deserved it. its a rather small shiny umbreon plushie which i had an almost identical one a few years back. pokemon is my comfort when i get super down in the dumps so this plushie means more than you might think.
i plan on making him little clothes and outfits to wear if i wanna take him out, isnt that cute?
aside from all that, ivebeen grinding on commissions and i feel happy with all the work ive been doing and getting! i feel accomplished in some way.
Date: 12/10/2025
Mood: well
[entry]
hello again!!
deimos (pepsi-squared!) suggested dog clothes for my plush and thats so....smart. ill look for those for sure! i seen some cute ones at miniso a few days ago when i went out! i think that will look good on him.
ive been sortve negelcting my problems...its alittle annoting but it hard to motivate myself to do my work. i know i need to. i have some commissions i need to do...ugghhh . im only dreading it because they asked so much for me for ushc a little sum. i dont care about the money but the customer was just plain rude to me! which is why i havent started their commission yet. ill be starting today since im grinding all my art and then moving on to other things.
i plan on making a fursuit as well next year! hopeful to get it done before summer so i can wear it before it gets uncomfortably hot..ugh
well, anywho! hows your day? feel free to comment or send it in my chatbox! (find it in stuff tab)
